BEEN THERE DONE THAT....

I am at a total loss at what's really going on.  One day we're okay then the next day, we're not. Simple things always led to arguments. It made me frustrated most of the time. She even brought up parting ways in some of our arguments. At times I wanted to just end everything but she won't. Not that I don't want it, I'm always thankful that she held on. But she's getting harder to deal with everyday. I don't seem to get her mood swings. I'm really lost and confused.

The moment she told me she's hard to be with, I told her it's fine with me, I can bear and I will try cause she's worth it anyway. But now, realizing how hard she really is to understand, I don't know if I can still bear.

I find her arrogance annoying and her being self-centered. But I still love her. I have been doing every adjustment I know to keep this relationship, to keep her. I tried being sensitive to her needs, but I felt like if I continued that, she will soon take me for granted. Prioritizing her above me and anything else made me too vulnerable. I can't be like that. I know how bad it is for me to love someone that much. Now I'm trying to put myself first before her, but this seems worst. I felt neglected and unimportant. The way she ignored me as if I was never there. It hurts like hell. And I can barely contain my emotion to the point that I burst out.

I love her, of all the reasons why I should give up, I still hold on for that one and only reason. I love her more than anything and I can't deny it. No matter how I lie to myself, it's the truth. I have never wanted anyone else like her. But that love is poisoning me little by little. So I have to protect myself.

Protecting myself doesn't mean I will have to love her less that before. Oh I am more in love with her now and everyday I love her more and more. But I have to control my feelings before it controls me.

I don't know what to do now. How I should continue. I hate it whenever she's like that, stiff, rigid, frozen, hard. I'm lost and I don't have anyone to talk to about this.