the hurt

i don't usually share this to everyone
not even my close friends knew
it's because it has long been gone
there's nothing anyone can do

it cut me too deep to even want a cure
a healing??? im not even sure
many years has passed since it happened
but i kept feeling it all over again

the past sure hunts, even until now
to forget the nightmares, i don't know how
the pain still lingers inside of me
why can't they just let me be

i have locked them inside my heart
not wanting to break apart
letting go seems impossible for me
the wounds they caused can't be healed


#deepinsideimdying

emptiness...

No matter how I tried ignoring things, I can't stop thinking...  I know there are important details that I must have knowledge with...  I have been trying not to give any interest with what you are hiding, but it's not helping me...  The more I fool myself on believing nothing's wrong, the more my mind is arguing with itself that there is... 

I know I don't have any right to ask questions specially when it involves someone from your past...  But baby, how will you expect me to fully love you if there are things you are hiding???  I won't judge you whatever it is, but you have to tell me everything I need to know so I will know how to help you... 

Maybe tonight I will have the courage to ask you certain questions, and I hope I find the right words so you won't get the wrong impression...  I want to know you more and I want to understand you more... But you have to open up to me, you have to help me understand...

#confused#

so much to say....

for eight years i've been wanting this
not just to tell you how much
but to show you i do

for eight years i've been waiting for you
not just to see and talk to you
but to feel and have you

it has been a long, very long journey
not just for you and me alone
but for us and our feelings

we often say that fate has been playing with us
not having the right time every time
but look at us now

we have come far from where we used to be
now that we finally have our time
and it feels so good

i know this isn't a dream anymore
you are here with me, for me
and i thank you

i will make this last
i will never get tired
coz i love you TOY....

ARIES-SCORPIO

When Scorpio and Aries meet for the first time they will find it hard to resist each other. Aries is strongly attracted to the mysterious and intense Scorpio. Scorpio is drawn to the vivacious and head strong Aries.

The Aries loves to search for excitement and this appeals to the fun loving side of Scorpio. Both Aries and Scorpio will have great time getting to know each other better. The deeply passionate Scorpio is a good match for the fiery nature of Aries.

Problems may occur as both being strongly independent, each may want to go their own way, both are stubborn as well so both Scorpio and Aries will find it hard to back down. Aries and Scorpio however can learn to adapt to each others lifestyles and in doing so their love for each other can become stronger. They have the ability to form a strong united bond with each having their own sense of individuality.

Aries will have to curb any flirtatious behaviour as this will cause Scorpio to fly into a jealous rage. Scorpio needs to feel totally secure and also finds it hard to forgive and forget whereas Aries will seldom hold a grudge for long. Aries always shows concern and has consideration for others, Aries has the ability to make others feel good and can easily win the Scorpio over.

It is the strong passionate nature of both Aries and Scorpio that keeps their relationship going. Aries and Scorpio thrive on drama and both will take their chances as they love the risk involved. Scorpio and Aries will always have ups and downs but as long as they remain in love, this can lead into a loving, stable and secure relationship.

#XTROLOGY

just TOY...

you're tough but soft...

arrogant and humble...

sarcastic but sweet...

rude but kind...

traits that caught my attention...

kept me intrigued through the years...

but knowing you more now...

have made me more drawn to you...

I can't say exactly what made me love you...

all I'm sure of is that I really do...

every little thing that makes you...

the good and the bad, I'll love them too...

thank you for letting me inside your mind...

though I know you don't trust my kind...

you have been hurt too many times...

I will make you forget them now you're mine...

promises...

too many of them have already asked
will you marry me, will you be my wife????
all of them I answered back with
yes... i will and i love you....
but not none of them, not one of them
has ever full filled that promise...
yes it's so nice to hear someone
wanting to be a part of your life forever
but they are just words....
promises that aren't ever secure...
marriage for me is sacred... still is
but having to experience all of these
again and again and then left disappointed....
i don't know how to react
if someone will ask me again....
there is nothing wrong with being asked
if I want to be their wife,
if I will marry them...
it's the afterwards that concerns me...
then what??? all but words...
promises without meaning...
a dream that will never come true...
so please understand
if I don't seem happy and eager
with the idea of marriage
I've been promised many times before
but was left hanging...
so now, it's just that...
I'd rather want to hear
let's get married... now.... =(

LET ME BE YOUR FIRST....

How I wish I can tell the world everything
How I wanted so much to share the happiness I'm feeling
How I dreamt of showing everyone the love we have
How I hope to have an everlasting love....

4 years in the making

LISTEN

I sing for you and you seem to listen

But not deep enough to know what I am feeling

I’ve tried to tell you about the love that I feel

When I look in your eyes, my courage you steal

Listen, listen oh please you must hear

Silence inside me's shouting something so clear

You're a friend I know

And that thought never leaves but one thing's for sure

I will always love you more

It hurts me you see whenever you're with me

Not knowing what I keep in my heart

Not knowing the pain whenever I fall apart

There is no one to blame but me

Coz I’m the one who crossed the line, you see?

But all I asked from you is to listen, listen the silence in the air

Tells you how much I care

You're a friend I know

And that thought never leaves but one thing's for sure

I will always love you more

No regrets in all the pain that I feel

I don’t know what I’ve gotten into

But I know there's nothing better than loving you

Listen, listen, that's all I asked of you

Nothing more that's true

Listen, listen to the beating of my heart

It beats only for you

2008-Aug 2012

kancheta0329

WONDERING

everyday I've been trying my all

giving you what you deserve

from the moment for you I fall

everything for you I shall serve

I may not have a lot to give

I may not be that perfect one

but for as long as I live

I will only love one woman

through the silence of my heart

I shall adore and cherish you

with you here beside me or apart

nothing can keep me from loving you

8-16-12

toytiu

nothing's greater than having you here... =D


#lovingyou

to start....

still figuring out how, where, when to start...

how should i begin?

where i have to and when i must...

#confused

To a new BEGINNING...

A total change of everything, as I usually say...  Something out of my norms...  It's not that I don't get impulsive on things but I normally consider what's right and what others would think and say about me...  For once in my life I have decided to follow what my heart says...  A risk I took for the sake of following what I desire the most...  LOVING TOY...  I've loved her ever since and no matter how I tried on forgetting her, I always fail... My friends would agree to that, even some of my ex's too...  I have kept this feeling far too long, and I have suffered too much for me to deprive myself once again of this chance...  I don't owe anyone any explanations, but here I am...  I don't expect you to understand, I just want you to know...  I don't intend to keep it a secret...  You know I can't keep secrets...

I don't expect that all of of you will be happy with the decision I've made, considering that I have hurt someone so dear to me, someone who's been a true friend to many of you... I am selfish, I know...  But don't forget that I have loved that person and I have been true to her for two years...  I know I may regret this in time but I will regret it more if I let this pass again...  

I'm sorry...  I'm not even sure if you'll be able to read this, but I'm hoping you will...  This will give closure to our issues, this will answer all your questions...  Now that you are starting over with someone new, I hope that she'd do better than I did...  You deserve it... 

AND I AM BACK...

been browsing my blogs and realized that I have been missing a part of me...